For most of my life I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. I have tried hard to follow the guidelines of a spiritual life- pray always, work for others, read scriptures- and to avoid the many temptations to dissipate myself. I have failed many times but always tried again, even when I was close to despair.
Now I wonder if I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, to love me. The question is not "How am I to find God?" but "How am I to let myself be found by God?" The question is not "How am I to know God?" but "How am I to let myself be known by God?" And finally the question is not "How am I to love God?" but "How am I to let myself be loved by God?" God is looking in the distance for me, trying to find me, and longing to bring me home.
It might sound strange, but God wants to find me as much as, if not more than, I want to find God
(The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri J. M. Nouwen)
i love this. even as the Lord has worked hard to take away my task-oriented ness in seeking Him... i still sometimes feel "unsuccessful" in my time with Him if I don't leave having "found Him" or learned something new and amazing. with how fleeting i am, my thoughts running everywhere, and my emotions a mess... He must be searching so hard to get to me, to find me, and to know me. to consider that being in His word does not need a "result" but is just an opportunity to let Him in... man, it is all just b-e-a-utiful!
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